Um? Sometimes It's Just GIRL BALLS

HERE: Have some cute pictures, and some heartfelt Words.
       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
12:25 PM 6/25/2011

Carrizozo, Carrizo-don't don't


It seems that I really don't like this Town, although I wanted to.
I've REALLY  been trying to!

Don't misunderstand,  for I wanted to fall in Love with this cute Town very badly while I was looking at Carrizozo as a place to relocate myself and my Family of Critters while we were leaving a lot of years and life in Arizona.

 I 1st ran into this town nearly 30 years ago as a commercial trucker, and liked the 'feel' of it.
I spent exactly 1 overnight at the 4 Winds Motel in Carrizozo, and an evening at the 4-Winds Restraunt Bar
I liked it, Muchly..

  I knew that I had to move SOMEWHERE, once I left Arizona, and Carrizozo was one of the places that I'd remembered fondly, although I'm not quite sure why.
I wasn't looking to settle  with a Man, or Rescuer-Person, but just into a new Neighborhood since I was leaving my own.

  I stumbled across an Internet ad for a couple of houses for rent in Carrizozo, and made the phone call that led me here.

I hauled my 3 dogs and 2 cats many miles across State Lines in order to settle here.
I thought we'd all Settled pretty well, yet here/now nearly 6 monthes later,
I've lost 2 of them dawgs and 1 of them cats.
That SUCKS-  They were my Family.

and I picked some of the worst weather EVER to make my transfer; last Feb.
It's kinda 'my bad' for not being more prepared for a major 'Big Move'.
I was as prepped as a single ole Broad could be to Move:

I left a lot behind, but really wanted to see what was ahead, despite the effort of doing so.

Lincoln County is  a pretty cool piece of New Mexico that I've always dreamed of Settling into myself
, tho I hadn't explored much of it beyond my fond memories of the Carrizozo town that I spent a night or two in, years ago.
(I used to be a Trucker:  traveling most of the intersecting Highways and Byways )


Since I landed here,  in Central New Mexico, as a Wayfaring Stranger.  I've been going thru some of the most heartfelt, profound, BIG  changes that one old broad could ever do:

  There's some amazingly cool Neighbor Ladies around here that have helped me BigTime get used to the changes.
Kay and Rose have shared their love, and I love them more than I can say for that.

Yet I'm tired, dismayed, and pretty butt-hurt about having to make all these changes.
I'm just stuffed full of cliches,  like

"It's a New Beginning!"  or
 "You'll get over it.  Life Goes On"
or my all-time rave fave,
"It could always be worse, you know.  Thank Dog you're alive!"

  These cliches are NOT coming from these cool neighbor ladies; at least not very often..
 They are  the answers I get when I try to tell folks that have known me for years and years about my sadness and uncomfortableness.
  I can relate:
Nobody really wants to hear that any of their friends are actually Less Than Fine.


I know all these cliches, and have convinced myself that they have value.

There's a strength in all those easily repeated but profoundly factual words that we share with each other,
While attempting to simply explain the complex.  It's Emotional, and Important that we try to make each other feel better,
or just try to comfort the uncomfortable.

I've spoken them to myownself many more times than anyone else has ever quoted them to me, really.
Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can ever do or say TO YOURSELF  'Suck It Up,' and realize that despite your best intentions, you can't actually make changes happen when you deal with folks that don't want to change,
or those folks that live in an uchangeable world.


Worse,  I've spoken those cliched comfort words to others more times than I care to acknowledge
trying to offer my own comfort to those who I recognize as Folks in Pain.
It's probably a waste of my time, or even painful to the folks I was trying to help.

So what are any of us supposed to actually DO...
when all we want to do is help our friends?

If I knew the answer to that question, I'd probably own the Universe.

This is your Magz, signing in, and signing out, with WORDS

100 DAZE

More or less, since I gave up my home in Arizona and started a whole new life here in New Mexico. Wow.

Saying I 'gave up my home' sounds so much more strong and powerful and enabling then just sayin the flat truth that I Sold Out at a huge loss just one little red cunt hair ahead of the 'TaxMan', huh.
Well that's the way it went with me, uh huh uh huh.

I know what the truth is, and I know I prefer to bullshit myself 99% of the time into thinking I'm just on some kinda real cool adventure. In fact? I was getting so good at that self-delusional kind of thinking that I was actually showing some positive progress!
I've met some cool people, seen some gorgeous country, and written more (and I think better) stuff than I've written in the last few years! I've eaten healthier, slept better, drank less and exercised more and I began to think...

Life was gonna be OK.
I proudly confess to wasting hundreds of dollars on everything from gasoline to cruise with, much classier booze to sip genteely, and toys and doo-dads and plants and goldfish that just made me fucking feel Happy.
I haven't been able to do that in sooooo long, that it's hard to describe just how enjoyable the Thrift Stores, Yard Sales, Walmarts and Dollar Stores are when I didn't have to budget every single penny I spent.

I chortled. I wallowed in the joys of pure Consumerism. I even buddied up with the UPS delivery man as he brought me tobacco, vaccuum cleaner parts, and a couple of T-shirts that I ordered ONLINE hahahahahahaaaaa.

But like all good things, this too ends. It took about 100 daze for the Social Insecurity Administration to catch up with the fact that I'd sold my farm, despite me having reported it to them 99 daze ago.
Despite the fact that I SOLD OUT at a huge loss my only home and business and source of income and spent 90% of that obtaining wheels and a RENTAL house in another state...
I'm going to be Punished for having suddenly upgraded my bank account, no mattter how brief that windfall really was. They're cutting me off, or at least way down. (This is an ongoing fight/bitchslap/negotiation that I'm in the middle of, I don't know yet exactly how it's going to end.)
The United States Government really needs me to re-pay what they think they overpaid me for the last 100 daze.
I hope I can keep them in business by doing so,
And I hope I can keep a roof over my head while I repay them.
In the immortal words of a bunch of Plains Indians AND my cool neighbor,
Yahh Tah Hey.
Stay tuned; I'll do this again sometime. Magz

Just Notes, Just Another Year

By the calender.  Somehow?  It seems to have little to do with Real Life in General,
and My Life in Particular.
I mostly know that it's cold, and lonesome,  here on the First.  (I already wrote my more
Public Blog today,
HERE )  at good ole Maggz'es Farm.

So:  what works?  What doesn't?  How about some very very simple Observations about
Life,
the Universe,
and Everything!

I has a kinda/pretty Big Sadz, Kidz.  I hate the fact that I'm losing my Home,  and I don't yet know
Where the Next Home is going to be.
It's bound to be Somewhere...  for I Trust me!  Still?  It's  Hard Row to Ho-Ho-Ho...  and one
that most of you have never traveled.

For Example:
My beLoved Bud, Neighbor, has asked me just what I think I'm doing, and when I told her
"I'm not sure?"
She's gotten mad at me.  FOR NOT KNOWING!!!

(It SUX,  to at least appear to be the last one in line that actually knows what's going on, yanno?')



I actually sort of think I know...

What's Going On


(Thanks,  Dead Marvin Gaye!)




Meanwhile?  For Realzies,  ya Clueless Readers,
I'm wearing 2 pairs of sox, and fuzzy slippers.  2 pairs of sweat pants.  3 shirts- 2 of them fleecy/flannel.
A Stoopid knit hat.  A cheap scarf.  And I'm still cold!  (There is no heat in my soon-to-be-gone Home)

Gimmee LOUD Rock n  Roll, and a chance to live till next Summer-  I'll quit bitchin, I promise

Quietly (?) Venting & Bitching

About Maggiez Farm.  And the Goodbyes, and Heartaches of giving it up.  It makes me feel like an extinct species, yanno?

This is neccessary, tho not exactly 'fun'.

 Merry Fucking Christmas, indeed.

I don't like having to sell my Home,
but it beats Hell outta losing it to back taxes.


I'm bound to rebound,
Find a NEW Maggiez Farm,

But meanwhile?  It's a Lonesum Row to Ho.



I worry about stuff:

 There's Always Lights, at the end of tunnels
SOMEWHERE...

But for the Life of me I don't know where yet.


This is shaping up to be a
Very Lonely Process.

Who, besides me, is at all interested in what I
do, where I go, or how I get there?

I'll get there;  I always do.

(It helps IMMENSLY to remember that it's
all 'Grist For The Mill';  ie,  good stuff to
write about.. Later.



(Later's gonna show up soon!)





Perhaps I could become a Blues Brother-with-tits,  for like John Belushi,  I have seen the light!

Wish me Luck, Gang.. and think Kindly of me, will you?

 

PUNKED

On Getting Punked.                             11:12 AM 11/29/2010

I just got Punked, by my next door neighbor's husband.

Well like duhh,  I shouldn't be shocked.  I already knew that he didn't exactly approve of me,
and really didn't like me all that much.  That's okay, (or has been) on account of the fact that we both
care about his wife, my neighbor, my Buddy, Sue.
I guess what suprises me the most,  is my near instantaneous reaction to being Punked!

I am quite on edge lately..  and feeling pretty emotional in the midst of some genuine depression.
Still?  My reaction scared me a bit, for it leaped nearly instantly into
Not just shocked or suprised.
Not just defensive.
Instead?  It was RAGE.

There's nothing Emileyed about this feeling of Postal..  and     I've ALWAYS been the sort of
'aw shucks' kind of polite, negotiating, apologetic and humble type to him.

I just wanted to Bitch Slap him really hard,  either verbally or physically.  So badly that I locked up,
quivering as the heat rose into my face and my hands itched.

Here's how it went down,  with some dregs of backstory as I deem fit to explain my relationship with these neighbors.

Good Buddy Sue called me this morning to ask for my help, and to share something that she's been concerned over in order to help me.  (She loves me, and is worried about me freezing to death)
 She'd been into a Project at her own house, covering the windows on the inside with heat shrunk plastic wrap,  and all by herself she'd decided to buy
enough plastic to do my little house also.

Her call this am was to share that with me, and ask if I could help her do some more on her own windows,
since her hubs was unwilling to do so today.  (He's got his own Projects going on, and those Projects are
usually beneficial to the both of them.)  That was Cool-  I'm good with that!
(I'm a little 'wierd' with actually doing my own, but it was awesome that she'd thought of me!)

So I bundled up and walked next door. (For those of you reading who don't live Rural, walking 'next door' takes a few minutes:  it's several hundred yards. Uphill.) It's freezing cold and quite windy outside, and I'd prefer to huddle inside with my measly
sweats and the Internet but hey-  my neighbor asked for my help.
I waved to him-the-hubs as I passed the backyard where he was mowing, and went inside, greeting Sue.  She and I moved a little furniture in her living room so she could reach
the window she wanted to plasticize, and we both studied the best way to remove the blinds on that window.

When the lawnmower shut off right about then, she asked me to holler up her hubs, since he knew how they were
attached, so I did.  He came in,  pulled the blind down, and turned to me and said
"I was REALLY mad at you last night!"  I said "uh,  how come?" while rapidly reviewing if something had
happened (dogs barking, cat fights, loose horses etc) that could have annoyed him-  I couldn't think of anything.

He huffed, he visibly swelled in anger, and proceded to yell about how STUPID I was, exercising my horses
before their feeding time late yesterday afternoon. He accused me of Horse Abuse, causing them to get all lathered and
sweaty when it was only 30 degrees outside.
I made 2 efforts to explain to him that I NEVER exercise them to the point that they'd sweat,
but he was not to be interrupted.  He shook his finger in my face and told me that in his opinion..
I was just wrong.  I said 'uh, uhh.." and he stomped back outside.

For the next few minutes, Sue and I awkwardly tried to pretend that just hadn't happened,  meanwhile,
I got madder and madder.  She suggested I just ignore him,  much as she does.
I found myself unable to do that, and worse-  wanting to turn my conflicted feelings back towards my Buddy!
I didn't want to yell at her,  or even really admit just how bad he pissed me off!
So I did what I think is the smart thing:  Blow off my Buddy's need for help, and get the hell out of her house.
BEFORE I started talking about it with her, and before I walked outside to confront her hubs.

I'm left feeling Punked.
Worse?  I let my Buddy down, and left her in an uncomfortable situation where she's going to have to explain
why I left.  Knowing my Buddy as I do, I can easily imagine having set those two into a big ass fight with each other!
Sue: Defending me.  Hubs:  Saying 'Good Riddence'.
They already have enough problems dealing with each other-  I would never wish to be a catalyst !

So I'm left feeling Punked.  By a man I have very little respect for.
I don't like being this uncomfortable,  yet..  to confront that man with my own genuine feelings about
his idiocy?  Would only make things more difficult for my Buddy, his wife.

I actually DO understand about 98% of his uneasiness with me-  it's the fact he fears I will influence
his wife.  In ways he doesn't care for her to be influenced in.  Like any thoughts or behaviors on her part
that don't require her to depend on his opinions.

Shit.  So it's all Conflict;  I know that she needs him to maintain her lifestyle.  I know she likes my
different outlooks at times, and at other times I just drive her crazy for not being MORE
SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE!  I also know that in a Pissing Contest,  the man with a dick and money usually wins against the
woman without either one.
What's killing me,  is that there's no doubt in my mind who's balls are bigger,  and it pisses me off to get Punked.

Writing this helps to keep me from acting without thinking it through.

To my Buddy?  I'm sincerely sorry for any conflict that arose from this,  and am going to wait and see how YOU
deal with this, before I ever refer to it again.
 Meanwhile,  I guess you'd best prepare him for the fact that your horse is coming home:  I'm guessing that Hubs be
nowhere near as annoyed if the only horse involved was just my old nag, hehe.
Whenever you need my help, I will be there,  but preferably,  when he's not home.

I, Am Waiting

Waiting to see if what I THINK is going to happen, Happens!

What, you ask:  What do I think is going to happen?

(Actually it's a bunch of stuff:  from a Today's Visit from my own Son...  to a complete economic and social breakdown of our society hehe)

Muwaa, ha ha.
The world is a very strange place, and so are most of the folks living in it.
  (I'm one of the Weirder,  for I genuinely think about, and react to,  ALL this junk that everyone else
thinks about, reluctantly)

I watch Movies.  I read Books.  (Reverse that Order please,  I read much more than I watch)
 What really gets me?  Is that once again,  I'm Reading, on the Internet.  The world's biggest library .
It's more than email.  It's MUCH more than facebook!  It's even more than Blogging.. (which I still believe in as THE way to actually 'connect' with anyone else on the 'Net.)

I see the death of Real Communication happening, mostly as a result of the Instant Gratification that all our social networks have enabled.
I see people becoming more and more Narrcisistic,  while they become more and more alone, and Lonely.

I see reliance on SpellCheck programs,  and less emphasis on learning  the basic rules of communicating with each other.
I see people doing their main Communicating in 140 letters-or-less,  while Tweeting.  On Twitter. Or
NewsFeeding/Commenting on facebook.  (God Bless the Smiley Faces, eh?)

I See FAMILIES..  that haven't talked to each other for so long that they wouldn't even recognize each other's Real Voices.  Yet they can be facebook 'friends',  YAY!!!

Where does this ultimately end up?
Truth:  Wherever the fuck your Comfort Level allows it to be,  say yeah.  Hall-ee-fuckin-YOU-ya!

So I keep waiting.  Keep Writing.  I'm happy to be here!

Auntie Maggzie Rants... and Raves!

RAVE! I got a little 'Help', From My Friends!

Rant: This computer needs HELP!

(I'm tapping into Every Single Geeky Person I Know, both Online and Off)

Rave! Some Online Friends are hanging the Toughiest of tough, trying to help me figure out my computer problems from far, far away.

Some of it's working, some of it's not.

Rant: I grow more and more annoyed with the so-called 'Pro" who charged $250.00 to 'fix' this computer...
and actually did about $50 worth of work. (He did fix the sticky 'On' button..)

Rave! I've actually learned a WHOLE lot more about computers, thanks to my real friends!

Again, Many many thanks to those who've hung in, and answered my often ignorant questions. TY, St Louie, Michigan, and Texas!